25 November 2008

'What a Brilliant Game' said a complete idiot. Latics 1 Everton 0

‘What a brilliant game’ said a young woman as I crossed the bridge over the canal after the game.

Me: ‘I’m sorry, I disagree. It was an abysmal game with dreadful performances’.

Her: ‘We won didn’t we?’

Me: ‘Just because we won doesn’t mean it was enjoyable, neither team could string two passes together’.

Her: ‘You fucking knobhead’.

Briefly I imagined us on a date together.

Her: ‘What a brilliant pizza’

Me: ‘But someone’s had a shit right in the middle of it’

Her: ‘It’s pizza isn’t it?’

Me: ‘Just because it’s pizza doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable, especially if the ingredients and topping aren’t up to scratch’

Her: ‘You fucking knobhead’

I gave a self-indulgent chuckle as I looked into her vacant eyes, but my feelings of superiority over this dribbling mutant quickly turned to horror as I realised vacuous morons like this are allowed to vote. Provided they can work a pencil.

Her: ‘I can’t believe the Nazi Party got into power, especially after me and my friends voted for them, it’s a fix!’

Me: ‘This isn’t Big Brother you cretin. You’re not voting them off, you’re voting them in!!!’

Maybe James Whale was right, we should sterilise people at birth and only reverse the process if you can provide some semblance of common sense. It’s only a matter of time before this young lady finds someone desperately insane enough to impregnate her, and in twenty years I’ll be watching Latics, surrounded by a baying horde of clueless scruffs.

It will be like watching Manchester City.

OK, maybe this doomsday scenario is an overreaction.

Bizarrely, I actually enjoyed the match, not in a purist sense, quite the opposite. Every misplaced pass, every cross into the back of the south stand, every time Browny kicked Arteta in the back of the legs, I was howling with laughter (at least Browny actually meant to kick Arteta).

When Henri Camara prodded home 5 minutes into the second half, I knew Everton weren’t going to get back in it. We’d dragged them down to our level, and they were finding it difficult to find their arse with both hands. The game petered out, with a few more Laurel and Hardy slapstick moments to illuminate the icy evening, and we all went home, the laughter warm in our bellies.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Riiiight, so you it wasn't a brilliant game but you enjoyed it. I believe you may be misinterpretting contexts here. I thought it was an excellent game, because I enjoyed every nervy minute of it. Whether I thought it was a good game or not has nothing to do with whether we played like Brazil in their prime or like Chorley in their 7-0 defeat to Skem.

How do you know this woman did not think the same? Or are you just writing the article to be controversial and to try and prompt a response rather than a serious article on how people are bad measures on how good a game is?

PARALATIC said...

It wasn't a brilliant game from a purist point of view, there was too much ineptitude on the pitch. However the ineptitude was so laughable at times it was comedic.

If it had been blood and thunder not much skill, yes, they can be good games. Last night's match had nothing going for it (apart from the comedy). Gary Teale would have shone like a beacon of footballing majesty in the midst of that.

The young lady in question's whole argument was: We won.

Win=Good game, Lose=Bad Game.

When I tried to argue my point her response was: 'You fucking knobhead'. Which, I think you'll agree, isn't the most intelligent response.

Anonymous said...

I agree on that matter, not everyone at our games is particularly eloquent and in the heat of the moment neither am I!

PARALATIC said...

Yes, the whole incident made me laugh, which always encourages me to write something on the site. (Probably why things only appear every 3 weeks!).

Her foul-mouthed response was actually aimed at an elderly gentleman who backed up my opinion, which is quite an appalling reflection of some people's attitudes and standards of conduct(I'm starting to sound like my dad!).

I took a bit of artistic license and made it look like she was insulting me, rather than confuse the whole thing with a third party.

Wagamama said...

As an Evertonian I can only say I enjoyed your pretty funny and accurate blog.

It was a torrid match, atrocious lack of ability or class from both teams, but especially from the Blues.

That woman is indicitive of many fans unfortunately, result is all to them. Why they spend £30 on goin gto see the game, when they could just get the result off teletext is beyond me.....

Wigan - (pr. noun) wonderful town - wonderful people! said...

An ice-cold and swirling wind of cynicism... somewhat refreshing but clearly wrong.

OK - it's Wigan - we don't have the best education and social system in the land - but lighten-up with the criticism. Her inability to formulate an adequate riposte to the man is perhaps down to education. The misogyny implied by the fact she is 'female and swearing' is slighty offensive too.

Solution:
Take up teaching or voluntary work in Wigan. Don't just assume that people from Wigan are cretinous plebs. Poverty does not imply stupidity.

I feel like I'm posting on the Guardian's Comment is Free... not a Wigan blog.

PARALATIC said...

I am from Wigan, and I have had a well rounded education within this fine borough.

I am not implying Wiganers are cretinous plebs, I am just relating my encounter with a cretinous pleb.

Many Wigan people and Wigan Athletic supporters are highly intelligent and articulate. This piece was about someone who wasn't. Would her education affect her ability to disseminate information provided to her through her own eyes? Or is she just lazy through 'reading' red-tops and watching reality shows and passively accepting the words of Alan Hansen as law?

Plenty to debate, but one thing is clear, this woman was a cretin.