Capello thinks Heskey is Interesting. Like Steve Davis.

I'm trying to live a stress-free life. There's a bloke who sits behind me at Latics whom I never want to become. He's very pleasant and jovial, and when something irks him, he's prime heart attack material. West-standers may know him; he has a shock of white hair, a furious blood-red face and the tendons in his neck are taut with rage. And this is before we've even kicked off.

His voice booms around the stands and the ground echoes with his wise intonations as he declares at ear-splitting volume that the latest referee is unfit for duty, or that Fergie is a tit. In fact, Christiano Ronaldo's antics during Manchester United's last visit caused his eyeballs to burst and trickle down his cheeks.

I don't want that to happen to me.

Which is why I'm philosophical about Emile Heskey's inclusion in the England squad. I've never supported England. Back in the day, Division one (as was) and England were so high above Latics' station that it meant nothing at all, I couldn't relate to it. If one day a Latics player is picked for England - I thought - I may change my mind.

Nothing. I couldn't give a monkeys. Latics are my team, and nothing else comes close. Even the most ardent England followers can't understand friendlies in August. I refuse to get angry, even if he gets decapitated with a wild John Robertson (we're not worthy!) style tackle.

We can but hope that Emile comes out of it unscathed.